Nearing 30 and yet another hurricane

Whoo Hoo! So today is my 29th birthday which makes it only one year away until I hit the big 3-0. I have always loved my birthday, but with the “end” approaching, is it time to panic? Should I be preparing myself for the so-called “midlife crisis” that I have repetitively been told I would have?

When I was in high school, there were a few birthdays that I really looked forward to 16, 18, maybe 21…and then it all kind of leveled off from there. Those birthdays were attached to rites of passage and 30 always seemed like the end of the line. It was the time where the fun would all just be kind of over. I mean, what in the world do you do when you’re thirty…right? It’s like, so old. 30 was when I thought I would just resign myself to doing what old people do. Whatever that was. It was always so far in the distance that I used it as a way to put things (and people) off. If we don’t find someone to marry by the time we’re 30, we will just marry each other. But for now, let’s just be friends.

So today, as I stare down the birthday looming in the distance where everything is supposed to fade to black, I’m so amazed and grateful for all of the beauty that surrounds me. Paths were chosen and there are things that I had planned to do by this day that I have not done. But those choices led me to things (and people) that have made my life rich and full. Life has a way of sneaking up on you like that….I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Today I own a confidence that I don’t think I expected to find within myself. I don’t worry about the “what-if’s”, I am certain of myself and my decisions. I don’t care what people think…not because it’s the cool thing to do, but because it would only effect me if I spend time worrying about it.

Today I see the beauty in the chaos…the poetry in the everyday…the moments that are so beautiful that they take my breath away. I am so very grateful for this gift, the ability to capture a few fleeting moments and plant their seeds in my memory. Because it all goes by so fast, too fast. And I realize that one lifetime is not enough to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me and the people that I hold dear.

Today I know that love isn’t what I thought it was in high school. It is much messier, much deeper, and so much sweeter than I could have imagined. Marriage is not easy…but digging in and working on it pays dividends. I am married to a great man. We have our moments, but who doesn’t? He loves me regardless of how weird and frustrating I might be on some days. As we grow, the love song just keeps getting better.

Today my greatest accomplishment is not something I’ve attained with a degree, a job, or travel. My greatest accomplishments reside in the body of my son. And what a proud Mommy I am. Because of Ayden, I work everyday to be a better person. Some days are easier than others; but I keep trying. I want him to see that he can be the change he wants to see in the world. For that, I’m willing to work on the changes I want to see in myself.

Thank God that I wasn’t forced to live the life I planned, when I was in high school. The things that I thought I would put off, the ones that found me anyway…those are the things that I am most grateful for.

Today, I am older, but I am not old. Gray hairs may be approaching, but life at 29 is good. And it will only get better everyday.