Can I be really honest with you? I'm overwhelmed. I'm frustrated. I'm sad. I might even be a little depressed. Every emotion possible for a human being to have, I feel like I have had in the past two weeks. Well, at least all the bad ones. So many people want things from me, want me to do things, be someone, say something, feel a certain way, act on an issue, explain this, do this, do that, change this, admit that. It's overwhelming and it's more than I can handle at once. I love to be strong. Put on my brave face. But, today I don't feel brave or strong. I feel overwhelmed.
I just want to be myself. But I don't want to be myself. I'm sick of myself. But I'm sick of not being able to just be myself. I'm totally overwhelmed and I have no idea what I'm talking about or why I am even posting this.
People want me to be someone I'm not. I want to be someone I'm not. I promised myself that I am only one person and I would give up trying to be more than one person. But, I can't stop even though I am overwhelmed. I am trying to be so many things to so many people that I'm losing myself.
I feel like I have a hole as deep as a mountain is high to climb out of. A mountain-sized hole of my own making. And it seems so big, so insurmountable, I just don't want to climb it. I want to give up. I'll never be good enough. I'll never be all the things people want me to be. I want to stop trying. I'm overwhelmed. Sad. And probably a little depressed, for even having this stupid pity party. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. I'm sure I'll get over it. At least, I hope I get over it. But not today. Today, I'm tired. So there you have it.
1 comment:
Stand by for the rest of the story...Life goes on, and that is a good thing..otherwise..??!!
You are very important to many people. they look to you for leadership in your position, education, income, etc..idea!!
Take a two hour lunch, leave your cell phone behind.Go to the book store, and hide!!or at least get away for a bit...
Luv ya Me
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