Choose your Battles

Most of our battles are caused by hunger, fatigue, or frustration, it's easier to recognize this after a tantrum starts — only a few slices of apple could have saved the day. So staying a step ahead is a smart way of thinking. It comes down to consistent routines and reasonable expectations, so no mind reading is required.

But I also try to think twice before I make life unnecessarily hard on Ayden. Is there a possibility of braving the mall with a tired three year old — don't! The notion "maybe I can just squeeze in one more errand" has been the downfall of many otherwise rational mommies. Some of my finest parenting moments (and by finest I mean horrifying and humiliating) have had me half-dragging, half-wrestling my thrashing, wailing, screeching toddler out of Wal-Mart. After public tantrum #36, I finally caught on to the idea of setting limits — for me. I now limit toddler-accompanied outings to less than two hours if at all possible.

I guess the whole point I'm trying to make is that I think (and I'm saying "think" here, I don't know for sure) that parenthood is a lot about learning which battles to pick. My child is an individual with his own thoughts, motives, reasons and urges, I wouldn't want him to be a little clone of me or live a life of walking on eggshells...obeying out of fear or lack of thought. However children must learn what's right and wrong and where the boundaries are to function in society and become good and decent people. They must learn to obey rules. I can't give up my role as mother by letting him do whatever he wants, I have to set those boundaries but when he disobeys - when is it important to step in and correct the course? Knowing when it's appropriate to step in and say "This is what must be done" and knowing when a divergence of opinion is okay-- or healthy--can be tricky.

There are critical battles that have to be fought and if they aren't fought they'll be won by default--and it won't be by the parent. When I hand out a punishment or consequence I have to follow through, because if Ayden discovers that I can be worn down into giving in he'll remember that lesson forever and the punishments he earns in the future will be fictional. If our family has boundaries and standards they're expected to live but I don't enforce them (including for myself) then the standards are meaningless. Kids are always looking for a loop hole, for an edge and part of being a good parent is knowing when that's not a big deal, to let them test things out because they're just learning and growing, and when it's critical to their characters to stand firm and not budge. I don't know that I've got it down yet, but I figure I still have quite a few battles to go before I win the war.