I am going to start off saying that some things tend to come out of my son's mouth and I say, "Where in the world did he get that?" Warning.....Warning…..Warning…..please don't take offense to any of these; remember he is ONLY three!
Scenario #1:
Setup: Saturday; Farmer’s Day; Mimi, Ayden, Uncle Josh, & Aunt Jana
Roll Scene: Ayden receives a green balloon just like so many other children are toting around
Dialogue:
Ayden --- Hey, Mimi….hold my balloon.
Mimi --- OK
Ayden --- Mimi….don’t let my balloon go.
(cue the child up ahead to lose his balloon…..green balloon floating up to the sky)
Ayden--- Mimi…see that…now that balloon is going up to the giant
Mimi --- To where?
Ayden --- To the giant….he lives up there
(recite…..Fee Fi Fo Fum….Fee Fi Fo Fum)
Scenario #2:
Setup: Monday night; dinner table; Chris, me, and Ayden; TV visible on TLC
Roll Scene: Commercial plays displaying people with slightly odd abnormalities, such as men with basketball sized muscles....or a set of Siamese twins (2 heads) riding a bicycle down the street
Dialogue:
Ayden --- Mommy, I TOLD YOU!
Me --- Ayden, what did you tell me?
Ayden --- Look at them people....I TOLD YOU.....they are all yucky cause they ate dirty food off the floor. I TOLD YOU dirty food off the floor would make you all yucky...SEE!
(pause here....ummmmm.....I was shocked, as was Chris as to what to say)
Me --- Buddy, I think they are just special!
Ayden --- No Mommy…they are YUCKY!
(insert change of subject here….didn’t know what else to do)
Scenario #3:
Setup: Thursday afternoon; Ayden, Mimi, and me
Roll Scene: Ayden sitting down with Mimi and me having a discussion as to why we should not run away from Mommy in a parking lot full of cars…moving or unmoving. (Sidenote: I was really freaked out over this; being as he could have easily gotten run over)
Dialogue:
Mimi --- Ayden what happened today at Mommy’s office?
Ayden --- My ran away in the parking lot.
(pause here....for dramatic effect….because it was…..very dramatic, I mean)
Me --- Ayden you shouldn’t run away from Mommy in a parking lot.
Mimi --- Ayden you could have gotten hurt.
Ayden --- No, my couldn’t!
Mimi --- Ayden those cars are bigger than you and they can hurt you.
Ayden --- No, they can’t cause I’m Spiderman.
Mimi --- Even if you are Spiderman…they are still bigger and can hurt you.
Ayden --- No…..cause I use my webs and swing over them.
Mimi --- But, sometimes your superhero powers might not work and you could get hurt. You have to hold Mommy’s hand in the parking lot.
Ayden --- But, my sticky stuff comes out of my hands.
Mimi --- Ayden, but………?
Ayden --- (hesitantly) Oh…..OK!
Scenario #1:
Setup: Saturday; Farmer’s Day; Mimi, Ayden, Uncle Josh, & Aunt Jana
Roll Scene: Ayden receives a green balloon just like so many other children are toting around
Dialogue:
Ayden --- Hey, Mimi….hold my balloon.
Mimi --- OK
Ayden --- Mimi….don’t let my balloon go.
(cue the child up ahead to lose his balloon…..green balloon floating up to the sky)
Ayden--- Mimi…see that…now that balloon is going up to the giant
Mimi --- To where?
Ayden --- To the giant….he lives up there
(recite…..Fee Fi Fo Fum….Fee Fi Fo Fum)
Scenario #2:
Setup: Monday night; dinner table; Chris, me, and Ayden; TV visible on TLC
Roll Scene: Commercial plays displaying people with slightly odd abnormalities, such as men with basketball sized muscles....or a set of Siamese twins (2 heads) riding a bicycle down the street
Dialogue:
Ayden --- Mommy, I TOLD YOU!
Me --- Ayden, what did you tell me?
Ayden --- Look at them people....I TOLD YOU.....they are all yucky cause they ate dirty food off the floor. I TOLD YOU dirty food off the floor would make you all yucky...SEE!
(pause here....ummmmm.....I was shocked, as was Chris as to what to say)
Me --- Buddy, I think they are just special!
Ayden --- No Mommy…they are YUCKY!
(insert change of subject here….didn’t know what else to do)
Scenario #3:
Setup: Thursday afternoon; Ayden, Mimi, and me
Roll Scene: Ayden sitting down with Mimi and me having a discussion as to why we should not run away from Mommy in a parking lot full of cars…moving or unmoving. (Sidenote: I was really freaked out over this; being as he could have easily gotten run over)
Dialogue:
Mimi --- Ayden what happened today at Mommy’s office?
Ayden --- My ran away in the parking lot.
(pause here....for dramatic effect….because it was…..very dramatic, I mean)
Me --- Ayden you shouldn’t run away from Mommy in a parking lot.
Mimi --- Ayden you could have gotten hurt.
Ayden --- No, my couldn’t!
Mimi --- Ayden those cars are bigger than you and they can hurt you.
Ayden --- No, they can’t cause I’m Spiderman.
Mimi --- Even if you are Spiderman…they are still bigger and can hurt you.
Ayden --- No…..cause I use my webs and swing over them.
Mimi --- But, sometimes your superhero powers might not work and you could get hurt. You have to hold Mommy’s hand in the parking lot.
Ayden --- But, my sticky stuff comes out of my hands.
Mimi --- Ayden, but………?
Ayden --- (hesitantly) Oh…..OK!
So, these are only a few of my stories from the week. By the way........
Dear Malicious Old Woman in the Grocery Store,
I promise I am not the worst mother in the world. Yes, I know my child has taken it upon himself to throw his entire body backwards on the concrete grocery store floor. I really know we are blocking the entrance, so noone can come in. Yes, I know my child is screaming that he wants a quarter. No, I have not a single intention of giving in to his quest for this quarter. Please if at anytime you think you can fill my shoes better than me...step in. However, due to the expression on your face I know you would not last ten minutes. Please find a new pastime; judgemental glares just really don't work for us real moms in the world. By the way, didn't your mom ever tell you that your face is going to get stuck that way.
1 comment:
Ayden throwing his self on the floor brings back memories of when I was in North Carolina staying with Karen Ann, Sherman and Leah around 26 years ago. I was about 11years old. We were in the grocery store and Leah did not get what she wanted and threw herself on the floor just a kicking and screaming. Aren't we just getting back what we did to our mothers? Payback is hell!! I live it everyday.
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